Listening is a gift.
When leaders really listen, they give the gift of:
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Listening – “real” listening – is the foundation for leading with Humility… Empathy… Civility… and Kindness.
Great leaders are great listeners.
Great leaders listen with their:
- Ears – they listen to more than just the words. They listen for the tone… inflection… volume… and intensity of the words.
- Eyes – they pay attention to body language. They focus on the expressive content of the speaker’s non-verbal behavior.
- Heart – they look beneath the words to discern the speaker’s emotions, desires, fears, and aspirations.
Great leaders listen for understanding… for the meaning beyond the words. They listen for collaboration, not confrontation. They show respect by asking open-ended questions.
When great leaders listen, they have the unique ability to make the other person feel as though he/she are the most important person in the world at that moment.
Listening is not merely a “nice” thing to do. Tom Peters, in his book – The Little BIG Things – asserts, “the ROI from listening is higher than any other single [leadership] activity.” (p. 328).
Most people reading this blog post have been through some type of “active listening” training. There are countless books and articles on listening in the marketplace today. (See Peters’ The Little BIG Things, p. 331)
When you distill all the advice and suggestions on effective listening down into a manageable number, you come up with five overarching principles.
Here are the five essential components of great listening:
- Be Present – Pay attention… don’t think about what you want to say next or what your next questions should be. Slow down… be in the moment. Acknowledge the other person’s value.
- Be Quiet – Don’t interrupt the other person… don’t finish their sentences for them… don’t offer advice unless requested. Let silence be your guide.
- Be Concerned – You can’t really listen if you don’t really care about what the other person is saying… show that you care by asking open-ended questions about their opinions, beliefs, and needs.
- Be Open – Suspend judgment while the other person is talking… be aware of your non-verbal behavior… look for ways to encourage the person doing the talking (nod occasionally… maintain good eye contact… lean forward… paraphrase what you heard… use phrases like “I see”, “Yes, please continue”, “Right”, “I understand.”)
- Be Humble – Focus on the other person, not on you… be less concerned with winning the argument or dominating the conversation and more about gaining insight and understanding.
Great listening is hard work. It requires a desire to learn and to understand. It is civility at the highest level.
Most of all, becoming a great listener requires practice!
Some final thoughts on listening…
“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Winston Churchill
“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.” Epictetus
“Who speaks, sows; Who listens, reaps.” Argentine Proverb
‘When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway
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